Thursday, September 2, 2010

In an effort to save my marriage...

I'll vent to my blogging friends. Vent maybe isn't the right word...have a heart-to-heart, maybe?

Many of you know that we have lived in our house for 7 years. 7 years in our cute, little, 2 bedroom house. And in that 7 seven years we've noticed that our family has grown larger--we now have two little ones running around the house. Things have gotten a bit 'snug'.

If it were up to me, we'd have moved 4 years ago. But it's not up to me. Thankfully, Joel is an extremely wise, stable, and financially savvy guy, and he is (mostly) making this decision. (Herein lies the marriage comment. Anytime I start a 'conversation' about quickly disintegrates into me whining.)

So here's the thing:
I have this battle going on inside me. I desperately want a big house. I don't mean a NEW house, or a huge mansion. But big. So we can fit lots of kids and guests when they come over. I want a full basement so my kids can run like crazy during the winter, and a bedroom for each of them. (So Lily doesn't have to sleep in the bathroom.) And I really want a dishwasher. I also like those nice neighborhoods where kids play and there are big yards and not many cars.

I can't wait to paint and decorate and redo and garden and just make it our home. And the more I focus on this, the more I start to think that I'm entitled to this.

But then I remember that most people in the world don't live like I am now. I am warm, fully fed, clean, and healthy. My children are happy and free to run and play. I remember huts in Africa where 6 people slept and lived--in a room the size of my bedroom! I have enough food in my house to feed SEVERAL families for a while.

God has given us so much. I WANT to remember that each day.

**And added later...
I really hope it doesn't sound like I'm mad at Joel! After I re-read this, I could see how it may have sounded like I'm venting about him. I'm not. I'm upset that it takes this much energy to stay content with what I have.


Julie said...

I agree. Being content with my house is something that I battle (especially now that I am staying home full-time and am actually home!). We have tons of space, just no AC or heat upstairs and a gazillion other problems. Oh, and did I mention our awesome wallpaper and rotting porch? :-) But, I am SO THANKFUL for my home and it really comes to a pride issue with me (because it's ugly and not Pottery Barnish). Thanks for the reminder of how much we have been given. It is kind of embarrassing that I complain at all when I think of how most of the world lives.

The Sieberts said...

i have to stop and remember that sometimes too. your big house will come SOMEDAY Kendall! :o) Have another kid and then you'll be forced to move...hehe

Paige said...

It is hard living, day in, day out, in a house that is not your "dream house". Or in a house that you feel is smaller than what you need. I hear your heart, you have seen poverty, you understand need. I will pray that your husband "hears" you, that he understands you in a new way. Ask me about the house we live in right now, not my dream house in any sense of the word. But God can give you peace in your current situation. hugs, friend.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Our husbands want our respect. I don't have a dishwasher either. And we are renting. So I would be happy to have a place of our own. :) God knows your heart.

Amy said...

It is so hard to be content with what we have... with what God has given us. Especially when you read other blogs and see other people's lovely BIG houses. I don't have any great advice, but just know that you are not alone.

Kendall Smith said...

Okay, I really hope that it didn't sound like I was mad at Joel. I'm really not! I'm mad that I am not content with my wonderful home--it's a ME issue--not a Joel issue! (Just to clarify!!!)