I'll vent to my blogging friends. Vent maybe isn't the right word...have a heart-to-heart, maybe?
Many of you know that we have lived in our house for 7 years. 7 years in our cute, little, 2 bedroom house. And in that 7 seven years we've noticed that our family has grown larger--we now have two little ones running around the house. Things have gotten a bit 'snug'.
If it were up to me, we'd have moved 4 years ago. But it's not up to me. Thankfully, Joel is an extremely wise, stable, and financially savvy guy, and he is (mostly) making this decision. (Herein lies the marriage comment. Anytime I start a 'conversation' about moving...it quickly disintegrates into me whining.)
So here's the thing:
I have this battle going on inside me. I desperately want a big house. I don't mean a NEW house, or a huge mansion. But big. So we can fit lots of kids and guests when they come over. I want a full basement so my kids can run like crazy during the winter, and a bedroom for each of them. (So Lily doesn't have to sleep in the bathroom.) And I really want a dishwasher. I also like those nice neighborhoods where kids play and there are big yards and not many cars.
I can't wait to paint and decorate and redo and garden and just make it our home. And the more I focus on this, the more I start to think that I'm entitled to this.
But then I remember that most people in the world don't live like I am now. I am warm, fully fed, clean, and healthy. My children are happy and free to run and play. I remember huts in Africa where 6 people slept and lived--in a room the size of my bedroom! I have enough food in my house to feed SEVERAL families for a while.
God has given us so much. I WANT to remember that each day.
**And added later...
I really hope it doesn't sound like I'm mad at Joel! After I re-read this, I could see how it may have sounded like I'm venting about him. I'm not. I'm upset that it takes this much energy to stay content with what I have.
'Twas the Dream Before Christmas
19 hours ago